Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Evil Force that Threatens the Peace of the Town of Conception Bay South


Alas, it appears the CBS town council is vehemently opposed to 
animals of mass destruction, oh, pardon me, "chickens." 

They are adamant that I remove 7 little hens from my property. 
Imagine...7 little birds are the cause of so much evil and turmoil 
within the town of CBS! 
My goodness how will any of my fellow residents survive the chicken Armageddon!!! 

Oh the horrors that Golden Road and subdivision are experiencing
 because of these evil, grotesque and violent birds!!! 

They have been ravaging the neighbours children, squawking, chasing them 
and pecking them almost to their deaths! 
I think one child almost had his entire leg eaten off. 
They cause nightmares and fear amongst the elderly! 
They fear for their walkers, canes and their lives! 
Many hearing aids have been completely destroyed 
because of the chickens fearsome and viciously loud cackles!

They are spreading widespread disease and contagion amongst the 25 000 residents! 
Their shit is so enormous, it has almost levelled the Ultramar gas station up the road, 
just-by-a-single-FART!! 
My God! One neighbour's car completely melted just from the fumes!!! 
Something must be done! Call in the Federal Department of Health! No, call in the military!! 
For God's Sakes hurry before they destroy us all!!!

The animals of mass destruction are an evil menace to the CBS public and town council! 
The chickens plan to infiltrate the council, 
write legislation against residential development, 
depose Woodrow French and perhaps allow a Wal-mart to be built in the community! 
We cannot allow such dastardly acts to be fulfilled!!  
We must all rally together and fight off these evil egg laying bastards!! 
They will be the ruination of Newfoundland, but more importantly the town of Conception Bay South, because Conception Bay South is the most classy place in the world to live you know. 
Only the elite live here and we must keep them all safe from evil chickens. 

This is so freaking ridiculous. 

No comments: